Generally, a woman is victim of the man who she calls “companion” or “husband”. However, she can be a victim of other people, like employers or parents, friends or neighbors. The “victim” is the person who lives a relationship based on power in which she occupies the weaker position. The unbalance of strengths can be either physical or emotional, financial or sentimental. Usually these aspects go together, although there’s always one that sticks out.

After a certain amount of time, which can go from 1 to 20 years (or more!), she’ll have to get it. She in fact already knew that things weren’t doing fine, and for a quite long time. The question is taking an attitude. She “gets it” when she can’t delude herself anymore saying that “it’s not so bad”, “it’ll change” or “I need to be patient”.

She runs away from awareness because:
1) she foresees that the problem is “enormous”;
2) she believes that’s the only existing reality.
When the “it is what it is” mentality gets to point that becomes unbearable, she’ll have to face the “enormous problem”. In order to withstand the terrible anguish she’ll feel, she’ll look for help, a therapy for example. It’s interesting to observe that many times, when one wakes up to reality somebody pops up to help.

Here are the steps for a victim woman who wants to free herself:

1. Grab the opportunity of help that appears in the moment you take an attitude.
2. Don’t be ashamed to tell your entire situation. Expose yourself.
3. As soon as you share your problem with somebody else, who frequently is a psychotherapist and who, hence, will not disguise you the truth, you’ll have the impression that your burden is heavier than before. This happens because by revealing a problem you can see it clearer and the conversation with a conscious person enhances your own consciousness. Thus, by seeing better what we see looks bigger and, in this case, worse.
4. Don’t allow your fright and fear to block the movement that you just started. Continue, schedule the next session.
5. Face one problem at a time. Scare may contribute to augment the snow ball, but at this point, sticking your head into the sand it’s not the best option.
6. Trust yourself and go ahead. Moving on will make you grow in strength and security, and this will redefine the “size” of your problem.
7. Distrust any thought or feeling that leads to the conclusion that you need to postpone the action of facing the situation and doing the therapy. Those temptations typically are: fear (cowardice), money, time and other mermaids.
8. Focus and use the help you receive as a support to stand up. You can do it, you are not the first and won’t be the last.
9. Be honest with yourself (and your children if you have any). Stop lying and pretending. It’s in this way that you’ve got to the point you are now.
10. Don’t feel pity for anybody, not even for yourself. There’s no love when fear, manipulation and abuse are present. Period.