Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category

Adolescents are egocentric. They have a very good reason to be so, although we may not understand. We criticize them and blame their oddity. They are exaggerate, insensitive, and get on our nerves. What was peaceful between us only a few months ago, suddenly it is not, and they react as if we were pushing and bothering them about the same things that were accepted before. As parents we definitely need a lot of patience, tons of patience. This time in our parenting journey seems to be much worse than waking up several times a night.

What happened to our adorable child? Where is the one we knew? We may feel lost and sad, for the fun is over. Being a parent is hard work, but after a certain amount of years, we overcome the toughest part and learn how to deal with the situation. When we are finally enjoying the job, feel comfortable and know the tricks, that’s when the game chances. All of a sudden (it takes time, but not enough for us to process the information) that sweet relation with our offspring becomes sweet and sour, sometimes more sour than sweet and it is when we may get disheartened. If the fun is over and the sweetness too, what does it remain for us? An dissatisfied young person easy to argue with? Who wants that job anymore?

In the name of love and of all the pictures of the past we can look at, let’s think about it. Adolescence is a complicated time in one’s life.

Adolescence is a second birth. The child finds herself overwhelmed by changes, physical as well as psychological, which she simply can’t handle, she can even understand what the heck is going on. It’s too much in too short time. Not only that, these changes are most of them real challenges that throw the young adolescent into the world‘s arm. In childhood, the challenges happened in the family environment, even schools are under family supervision. It was all about family, dealing with it, knowing each other, growing safe and strong, learning about to speak, write, relate.

In childhood, world means family. Home and mom are the two most important concepts. By Mother, I mean the maternal features of one’s personality: protection, nurturing, and safety as a warm welcoming place. Like the earth, the maternal aspects of the human personality allow a seed to break up and let the fragile plant grow. The Mother is the soil with its minerals and nutrients for the plant to develop. Mother is embrace, rescue, comprehension, acceptance, faith, credibility. It’s the garden well cared that sustains the young human life. We grow up on Mother’s soil, arms and support.

Then, the Mother’s garden opens up and comes adolescence, which is like entering the valley of life among rough winds, far horizons and the solitary vastness of the world. Body and mind undergo a fast paced and turbulent time of transformation, whose end no one can foresee. This is scary. References can be lost, which would be a tragedy, for they are our roots. But, on the other hand, they are not enough anymore. As adolescents we need more, and feel embarrassed about that. It seems to be discarding our past and with it our parents.

At the same time, as adolescent we feel terribly uncomfortable towards the world. Suddenly it’s like having all the flashlight on us. Suddenly we realize about us, our body, its strange reactions and growth, any tiny imperfection is amplified by our eyes and it’s like everybody is watching our flaws. One feels like hiding oneself, disappearing. Disguised in strange fashion trends, adolescents try to find a niche to rest and process the intense transformation they are going through.

Who am I? Where am I coming from? Where am I going to? Those are the underlying questions, existential, profound and necessary questions. People might never find and answer to them. Adolescence is the first time those questions slap our faces and wake us up.

This is the time for the Father to break the scene and bring light. Truth is that adolescence is under the paternal star. Positive, creative and non patriarchal paternal leadership is urgently needed.

The paternal features of human personality give orientation and guidance, allow to build the bridge that connects childhood with adulthood. The Father is the engineer and the philosopher. His presence, example, loving embrace and firm guide should sustain the structure for the construction of a clear personality. The Father’s figure gives confidence and strength despite the challenges, the bruises and the tears. The Father has a goal in mind and finds the means to get there. He is literally the light the guide his children through the turmoil of adolescence.

Where are the fathers of the adolescents we see around? Where is their light? Not discipline, rules and silly rigid mentality adolescents need, but something they can respect, that can break through their confusion and questions and make them stop, realize, feel and think. They need real Men they can believe in, who do not impose or mold, but help grow. Men who don’t manipulate or frighten but are like lighthouses holding tight the tempests their children undergo. This is paternal love.

My daughter has recently joined a chorus. It’s a Church choir, a new experience for us, since we are not “church-people”. She’s got there through her piano teacher who is the manager of the chorus besides having a wonderful voice.

Why did I want my daughter to be in a choir? She has been saying for a while that she didn’t have a fine voice, she “couldn’t” sing. Therefore she found one more reason to somehow depreciate herself. Being a young teenager in times like ours is not easy!

After a few chorus session, my 12-year-old daughter told me that she finally can hear her own voice! It’s not that the others sing so loud that she is silenced by them. Just the opposite, she finally took courage to make herself audible. I wonder how many meanings are in a voice – being heard or shut. People say that in the eyes of a person you can see her soul. In a voice you can identify it as well.

A nice way to have your child raising her voice is to allow her to sing. Singing has the same combination of meaning for the Self as dance has for the body. One can be awkward in her movements, like many children and teens who barely can manage their sudden big bodies. Dance would give them control over their movements, plus, the most important, grace. The same does singing: it’s a graceful expression of inner life.

Singing has amazing effects on one’s self esteem. It frees one’s soul and makes available the idea to speak up for oneself. This is an extremely important issue for teenagers. Maybe this is the reason there are so many of them singing in the TV shows. It seems that they can’t be just actor: they must also sing. The act of singing has thus this symbolic meaning: being heard, getting out from the shadows of being ignored to the spotlight of the public ears.

If singing has a symbolic content, it’s doesn’t mean that it’s enough to grant a wonderful expressive life. It opens up the vocal chords, it gives the chill of having the chance to speak up loud and being the center of everybody’s attention. Now what? Once the show ends, all may go back to the same old routine. Therefore, when a teenager needs to test her own voice it means that a chorus is a good opportunity to work out her need to express herself in higher dimensions, which is in her real daily life.